Growing Up in the TARDIS
by Temporal Austenite
Summary: This will be a bundle of AU one-shots about what would happen if Melody Pond was saved when she was a baby and was raised in the TARDIS. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

_Fair Warning  
>This is a totally, completely AU thread of one-shots, based around the fact that I think there are about fifty billion hilarious scenes that could have happened if Melody Pond had been saved when she was a baby. This is where those ideas are going to happen.<em>

_I'm not sure if that was a warning about AU or about the fact that I'm writing again._

_ANYWAY  
>This is part two of my thanks to my 2000+ readers from last month! And also an apology for not having written them earlier.<br>_

_I own nothing._

* * *

><p>She is five, as far as they can tell. At least, the Doctor says she's five, but she looks like she's two. Time never did pass normally within the TARDIS, and Amy and Rory can't tell what month it is, let alone what day.<p>

Mentally, she's ten.

He said this was normal for time lords. When her human hormones set in, he told them with an entirely innocent look on his face, she would start to age appropriately.

He didn't say when that would happen.

Amy suspects that he just doesn't know, and didn't want to admit it.

When Amy thinks back to the night the Doctor picked them up from their house in Leadworth two months after River had dropped them off, she wants to cry.

He picked them up, landing the TARDIS inside their house, and to his regret, on top of their couch.

She raced down the steps, in something more silky and less…well, just less, and pushed through the door. Rory followed her, but not before grabbing her robe and his sword.

And she didn't see him, at first. He wasn't at the front of the console, or waiting by the door.

She remembers yelling, "DOCTOR!" As loud as she could, frantic for news.

Then she heard the crying. It was quiet, but it was there.

And when Rory asked if it was the Doctor, she shushed him.

Of course it wasn't. She could feel it in her bones, hearing that cry. It wasn't the Doctor.

"Doctor." She said, softly, "Where are you?"

He popped out from behind the console, carrying her daughter. She almost didn't believe it.

"Right here. Melody Pond, say hello to your mum. You remember her, don't you?" He held her out very awkwardly, compared to the expert way he held her.

And as Amy took her, she cried. She cried because there was her daughter, and she thought she'd never, ever see her again. She cried because the Doctor had promised, and here he was, and it was so amazingly perfect.

Later, she cried when the Doctor told them that they could never leave. Told them that the only way to make certain that their daughter was safe was to stay with him, forever, away from their home, their family and their life.

Of course, she didn't cry in front of him, but when she and Rory were alone in their room a day later.

However, watching her daughter grow up and play and learn to love the universe the way she did was worth it. Melody was worth it.

It didn't mean, however, that Amy always approved of the way that the Doctor spoiled Melody. But Melody idealized him, and she couldn't bring herself to say anything against him, either.

But there were some days that she felt like she could make him pay for overstepping his bounds, or for almost getting Melody killed(he insisted that it was safer, no really, he promised).

And the best days were when she could do it and look almost innocent.

* * *

><p>"Mummy?" Melody asks, tugging on her mother's arm as Amy was painting a portrait of sunflowers.<p>

"Yes, sweetie?"

"How are babies made?"

Amy knew she shouldn't grin. Couldn't grin if, she wanted this to work out the way she hoped it would.

"Why do you want to know?"

"Cause Daddy won't tell me. And the Doctor mentioned something about different methods of procreation between inter-species, and then I looked up procreation, and asked daddy, cause the book the Doctor gave me only told me that procreation is babies being made."

"Well, there you go."

Melody rolled her eyes, "That's what Daddy said!"

"And?"

"There's gotta be something more."

"Honey, you're not old enough." Amy said softly, adding another stroke, working from her memory.

"You always say that, and then the Doctor always tells me."

"If the Doctor's so clever," Amy didn't look up from her painting, "Go ask him."

Melody glared at her mother for a full minute, just as stubborn as the scot. "Maybe I will." She finally huffed.

"Have fun."

Rory poked his head in a second after, to see his wife grinning from ear to ear.

"She asked you too?"

"Yup."

"What'd you said?" He asked suspiciously.

"Told her to ask the Doctor."

Rory's eyes widened, "That's mean."

"He deserves it. She almost got eaten by a two headed plant, for goodness sake! I need to remind him that she's not River. Not yet." She grinned even wider, "Let's go play darts in the console room, shall we?"

Rory knew better than to cross his wife.

* * *

><p>"Doctor," Melody asked, sitting on the swing behind him, "How are babies made?"<p>

He turned around, his face in full panic mode. "What? Why do you want to know that? You're not even five!"

"I am too five."

"You're not even ten!"

"So?" She pouted, her eyes going really wide in an attempt to con him into telling her.

He glanced away, attempting to think of an answer, only to come up with: "Ask your parents."

"They wouldn't tell me."

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you tell me everything."

"So?" The Doctor replied, unable to battle with a child's sense of logic.

She blinked, and pushed her lip out further. "Please?"

He looked around wildly for Amy and Rory, and when he spotted them, he realized that the TARDIS had turned up the music so that he could talk to Melody without them eavesdropping. "It's very complicated."

"Can't be."

"Why can't it be?" he asked, thrown off track.

"Cause everybody can do it. You said so. You said, 'Every species can procreate—I looked that up, and it means making babies—and there are various methods, all very interesting.' And then Daddy accidentally connected two wires wrong and you had to go fix it."

"Did I?" He squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, I thought that you were—your mother. You two look very similar. Except for your age. And size." There was something he should notice, it was important. Or interesting. What was…

"But how do you make babies?"

"What's the speech for this? There's got to be one. Oh! That one is very typical." He coughed, "You see Melody Pond, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much…a baby appears. Usually brought by a stork? Think it's a stork. Could be a flamingo, though I don't see how that would work." Something was different, that was it. There wasn't—

"I was brought by a bird?"

"No! No. Course not that's silly. I brought you to your parents."

"So you made me?"

"No! How would I make you?"

"Then how do babies start?"

Any music! That was it! No music, and Rory kept glancing over, pretending to be absorbed in the game. "I'll tell you how babies don't start, Melody Pond! Babies DON'T START WHEN THE TARDIS IS IN THE TIME VORTEX!" He shouted, making sure that the eavesdropping parents can hear him.

The only response was from Amy, her dart hitting the board bull's-eye with a loud 'Thwock' and deadly aim.

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><p><em>Hope you liked this one! Please review!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Another one, set in the same basic time period! Thank you for reading this!_

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><p>"And our cell phone number is programed into the TARDIS, and we've had a nice talk with her telling her where we're going and—"<p>

"And you worry far too much. I've babysat before!"

They were in her dressing room, and Amy was applying the last of her make up, going over the plans for the night with the Doctor.

"And how many of them survived?" She shot back, "She's our daughter, you're the Doctor, and Rory dies every time we step outside! I'm going to worry!"

"Not every time." The Doctor muttered. "Maybe a few times."

"A few is three." Amy started.

He cut her off, "That is a very small definition of few!"

"It's been more than a few." She calmly finished.

"So?"

"She also fell into quicksand, was almost eaten by a huge rat, and ate too many sweets the last time I left the two of you alone."

"So?"

"She was up for hours." Amy sighed, "Listen, I know it's hard for you, but could the two of you just have a quiet night in? Rory's preparing a dinner for the two of you, there's ice cream in the fridge and some left over yule log. Watch a movie, draw a bit, and for goodness sake, don't leave the TARDIS!"

"Don't leave the TARDIS? Why not?" he asked, and there was the hint of whining in his voice.

"Because we may come back early, and I want you two to be here. Rory!" She called, "Are you ready yet?"

"I've been ready." He replied. "So? He'll watch her?"

"Of course I will. But no leaving the TARDIS? Really? How is that fair?"

"Is it unfair that we want our daughter to be safe?"

"No, but—"

"Then it's settled." Amy pulled on her black heels and fixed her dress. "No leaving the TARDIS, don't enter the time stream, and don't leave this location. Is that clear?"

"Yes mother."

She glared at him again, "We could just take you two with us, no shenanigans, and the sonic stays home."

"Alright! We'll stay right here, Time Lord's Honor!"

She gave him something that could only be called a mother's glare.

He rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, "Fine. We'll stay here, don't worry. On my honor as a complicated time-space event."

"Okay. Good Doctor.." She stood up and kissed his forehead. "See you before eleven!"

"Okay. Go, have fun!" He said, leading them towards the TARDIS door. He was practically pushing them all the way until they called Melody to say goodbye.

"Now, remember what we said?" Amy asked as she hugged her daughter.

"Be good for the Doctor, but if he does something dumb, slap him." Melody recited back.

"Slap me?"

"Not really. Unless it's really dumb." Amy laughed, and then kissed her daughter's head, "Have a good night, and try not to stay up too late."

"Yes mummy."

"Behave, Mels." Rory said, "Love you."

"Love you too." She said obediently as he kissed her forehead. She waved goodbye to them and after the Doctor closed the door she asked, "When are we going today?"

"Nope, I had to promise as a complicated space-time event that we weren't going anywhere."

"Then what are we going to do?"

"What time is it?" he asked, looking at his watch. "Five thirty. Right. Your parents, without fail, will be back around ten thirty. Probably ten. Now, Melody Pond, what can you think of doing for five hours? Your mother suggested swimming and coloring and dinner and dessert, but I don't possibly know how that can take up five hours."

"We can draw on really big paper." She proposed.

"You are brilliant, Melody Pond! I have just the paper! Follow me!" He grabbed her hand and she ran next to him gleefully, "See, Melody, it's the size of an airport hangar. Literally. I had to fold it eleven times to get it to fit inside the TARDIS. It was brilliant. Wait. We'll need coloring supplies." He popped into a room and pulled out one large suitcase and a small backpack. "You carry this." He said, handing her the back pack—yes, it did have My Little Pony on it—and explained, "We'll need to stock up for the drawing. Speaking of, what do you want to draw?"

"The map of all of the magic lands from the novels you've given me to read."

"Like what?"

She sighed loudly, "Honestly. Narnia, and Oz, and Middle Earth and Landover and Wonderland."

"Just those? What about Neverland?" He opened up another door, and started pulling out random drawers, grabbing art supplies. Melody was much more serious about choosing than he was, but

"Neverland is up in the sky. It's not on land. It probably floats above the land, though."

"Why are they all connected?"

"Because they have to be. They're all magical."

"Do you need the maps?" He asked, pausing in front of the library door.

"No, I have them memorized. And if there isn't a map, I'll make it up. I've memorized all of the descriptions too."

"You are brilliant." He grinned.

Two hours later, Melody announced, "I'm hungry."

"So?" The Doctor glanced up from twenty feet away, and then went back to drawing the Emerald City.

"We need to cross Narnia and go get dinner. I'm hungry. I want dinner, and then I want ice cream. Then we have to finish sketching Oz." She put down her pencil on the outer territory of Munchkin Land. "Daddy made lasagna."

"How do you know? I thought you were studying your chemistry textbook."

"I got bored."

"How did you get bored?"

"I already knew what would happen." She stood up, and then whined, "Come _on_, I'm h_un_gry."

He followed her down the hallway, "But it's science, how can it be boring? And chemistry is key to some parts of archeology, I'll have you know."

"I knew what would happen. I finished reading it yesterday, and daddy didn't say I could start on the biology book yet."

"Why were you waiting for him to let you open it?"

"Because. He's in charge of human biology. And besides, reading for hours is boring if there's no story."

"Stories don't always end happily."

"So?" She took his hand dragging him along at a run, "Stories are always exciting."

"Until the end."

"No." She rolled her eyes, "Even until the end. Even _after_ it ends. It's a story. If someone knows it, and remembers it, it's still alive."

"What?" He glanced at her face, confused, wondering just how much she knew.

"A story's like life. Even if people are dead, we remember them, so their story lives on.

"Right. Yeah. Makes sense."

"But it's not like lasagna. Come _on_." She tugged on his hand. He hadn't realized he's stopped.

"Right!" He followed her into the kitchen. "Okay. Food."

* * *

><p>About two hours and a half gallon of ice cream later, the two were sitting back in Oz. Currently, the Doctor was working on the location of the Wizard's Place.<p>

"Why did mummy and daddy tell us to stay here?"

"Because they're parents and they worry, I suppose. It's a parent's job, worrying."

"Why?"

"Because they're parents." He sighed, "Because they love you."

"Why?"

"Because you are very, very special, Melody Pond."

"Why?" She didn't glance up from the start of the yellow brick road in the munchkin city, but sounded genuinely interested.

"You're the daughter of Amy Pond, the Girl Who Waited, and Rory Pond, the Last Centurian. You're also a child of the TARDIS and the smartest little girl I have ever known."

"Why?"

"Because everybody else doesn't understand the way you do."

"Why?"

"Because you're part timelord."

"Why?"

"Because you were…made…in the TARDIS."

"Why?"

"Because your parents never think about how their actions will affect anything but themselves."

"Why?"

"Because they're humans."

"Why?"

"Because of several years of evolution, a big bang, the perfect conditions for life on a water based planet, and a bit of unplanned luck."

"Why?"

"Because…" He paused, "Have you said anything besides 'why' for the last five minutes?"

She looked up, batting her eyes, "Why?"

"I'll tell you a secret." He said, and then held up a finger to prevent the oncoming 'why'. "All why's eventually boil down to a 'because'. And I'm telling you this because this is the two hundred fifteenth time you've tricked me into answering a string of 10 or more 'why' questions. I got distracted, and I told you the hundred and fiftieth time to stop it."

"So?"

"Don't start that game either." He muttered, moving up to draw the castle of the Good Witch.

"How will I ever learn anything if I don't ask the questions?"

After opening and closing his mouth several times, he glared at her. "Ask the questions with a point."

"There was a point."

"What was it?" He asked, exasperated.

"There were actually two."

"Really?"

"One," she held up a finger and grinned a grin that reminded him of Rose, "to learn more about you. And two," She flicked up the other finger, "To annoy you so you don't ever let mummy and daddy talk you into doing what they say."

He frowned, "It's nine o'clock."

"And?" She added a final brick, connecting her part of the road to the Doctor's.

"And it's your bed time."

"You never send me to bed on time."

"Well…maybe I'm tired."

"I'm not."

He frowned, "How do your parents send you to bed?"

"How do they send you to bed?" She countered.

"That's not sending me to bed! That's…it's just not!"

"Then this isn't sending me to bed."

"Why are you so difficult?"

She blinked at him, and then grinned, "Because."

* * *

><p>Amy and Rory did come home early. Melody was drawing the wicked witch's castle when Amy came looking for her daughter and the Doctor.<p>

The Doctor was pouting on the other side of the room.

"Hello," Amy said cautiously, "How was your night?"

"Mummy!" Melody cried, standing up and racing over to her.

"You've been drawing a lot." Amy kissed her forehead, "Is this Narnia?"

"The Doctor stopped talking to me." Melody whined.

"Well, go find daddy and get ready for bed. I'll be in to help daddy tuck you in soon."

"Okay." Melody hugged her mother and then raced out of the room.

Amy turned to the Doctor and crossed her arms, "Why aren't you talking to Melody?"

He stormed out of the room past her, "Don't you start that game too!"

_Hope you liked this! Please read a review!_


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